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Losing Weight
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Re: Losing Weight
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ecdave
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Oct 25 10 6:12 PM
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If my experience is any kind of example, neediness at midlife is not exclusive to the male of the species. (How's that for diplomacy?)
Long story short, 'cuz I could probably write a book on this, but I found it beneficial to tough out the pain for quite a while when my marriage of 20 years ended. I slowly recognized that I was performing my daily functions with great care, i.e. showing up for work, doing my best for others, and generally acting with positive attitude and intent, even though I felt like crap on toast. This told me that I must have a rock-bound feeling of my own worth, which was an invaluable discovery in that extremely painful time. In Dale Carnegie terms, this is "acting as you would wish to feel," and I went out of my way to be good to myself and others because I banked on that to help turn the tide for me, which it did. Then, when I finally entered the dating world, I felt certain that I wasn't seeking validation on the raw edge of that pain. BTW, 29 years is plenty of time to feel rusty in a "first date" scenario! Between courtship, marriage, and the whole PTSD bag afterwards, that's how long it was since I'd sat across from a strange woman...depending on the usage of "strange," that is.
I vote for being very good to yourself, and paying attention to how it feels. Everyone's the captain of their own ship, and I surely give you credit for getting out there right away. But from this little distance down the road, I'd encourage you to not short-change the healing process. I wouldn't have wished the anguish on anyone, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
Good luck!
Typed on the treadmill (yeah, still at it!)...
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